We’ve watched them sparkle in the sunlight, emerge in Twilight and fight canine chimeras for the affection of brooding brunettes. However there is another type of vampire, one that is so insidious and pervasive it can take the form of your coworker, your neighbor, even a family member. The poison of choice for these vampires isn’t your blood; it’s your emotional energy.
Emotional vampires.
Okay, I understand that term sounds a little silly. Sounds like something out of a poorly scripted teen movie, doesn’t it? The truth is, though, that these emotional succubae exist. The scary part is they look exactly like you and I.
These people feed on you emotionally, mentally and energetically, draining your positive energy and leaving you feeling depressed, exhausted and upset. They can take the form of a shop assistant, your brother in law, or even your spouse. Although they wear different disguises and may behave differently, interactions with them induce the same symptoms. They leave you feeling drained, fatigued and emotionally exhausted. Chances are you have encountered more than one in your lifetime, whether aware of it or not. Here’s everything you need to know about emotional vampires and how to deal with them- with or without a sharpened wooden stake.
What are they?
According to Albert Bernstein, author of Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, emotional vampires are individuals who feed on your emotions, drain your spirits and are otherwise a complete pain in the behind. These are the people that focus on the negatives, drawing you into their web of misery and bringing you down in the process. They might point out a drawback to your promotion, for example, or constantly redirect the conversation back to their constant woes.
They may do this consciously or unconsciously and vary in their motivation. For some it is jealousy while for others it is low self-esteem. They may be soft spoken or loud and gregarious and differ in their behavior. Some may use passive aggressiveness, take the role of the victim, make big issues out of small things, delegate problems to others or neglect your needs. They may constantly complain and generally be negative about everything, perpetually seeing a half full glass in every situation. Or perhaps they are serial gossipers who appear to get enjoyment from criticizing others. Bernstein contends the commonality shared among all emotional vampires is that they have a need they want to fill. Lacking insight or a motivation to change, they degrade and demoralize others in an attempt to fill this inherent need.
What Can You Do?
Learning to identify an emotionally draining person is the best defense towards effectively buffering their negative impact on you. Is there someone in your life you dread talking to? Do you feel fatigued after seeing them? Masters of disguise, you may interact with an emotional vampire every day without wising up to their behavior. Try making a list of all the people you interact with on a regular basis. When you read the names do any fill you with a sense of unease?
When not possible to discontinue a relationship with an emotional vampire there are a few things you can do to protect yourself. Learn ways to end conversations and remain conscious of how they affect you. Judith Orloff, author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life, warns against fighting back when you find yourself attacked. Avoid confrontation whenever possible as this is what emotional vampires thrive on. Instead, communicate your emotional needs to them and set limits on the time and energy you devote to them.
Most importantly, remember that vampires must be invited in before they get a chance to exhibit their sucking prowess. Emotional vampires are conniving and will attempt to draw you back in by any means necessary. Be prepared for them to change tactics – someone who thrives on inducing guilt, for example, may start to criticize your character if they feel you are pulling away. Remember that you can’t fix them and if you allow yourself to be affected by their behavior you are enabling them and encouraging them to do it to others. Your time and energy is a precious resource. You have every right to have healthy and happy interactions with others and to protect yourself against those who threaten your emotional energy.
Emily Rose - Emily Rose is an Australian Canadian writer living in Vancouver. She has her masters in Psychology and has facilitated therapeutic ...
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